I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
