I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's great music for shaving your balls
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.