Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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