can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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