Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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