franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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