kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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