my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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