You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
