I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
