you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
