Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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