I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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