haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
