This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
