I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
