if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
