GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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