Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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