Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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