I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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