What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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