I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
