Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
