Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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