I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
