I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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