the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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