I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
