We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?