Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
