he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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