Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
