So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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