so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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