Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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