mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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