Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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