why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She bit a glass in half.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
