I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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