i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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