The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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