I hope mine doesn't look like that
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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