Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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