my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
