My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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