You're so nebulous sometimes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
