Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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