I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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