My liver just broke up with me...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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