I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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