He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
