I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
