exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
