my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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