I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His hands were made for my vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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