do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
