I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
