I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
