So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
