Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
