Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
