Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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