I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
