Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
