She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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