Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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