at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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