You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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