Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
