I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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