I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
