dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
