I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
