Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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