Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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