Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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