My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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